Did your heart seem to stop beating or did it feel like pumping too fast then halted for a long while hearing the demise of someone very dear? The denial and the hope that this reality is just a nightmare. The drowning thought that you will never see, talk, touch that person ever again and to accept it, you need to numb yourself because the pain is just too unbearable. It felt that the world collapsed and stopped and darkness filled the world in one snap.
They say time heals the wounds but that’s not very true. The same ache is persistent and you are bound with it. Maybe in time you just get used to feeling the hurt but not really healed.
I would always still cry discreetly with the sudden thought of my Grandmother, my Grandfather, other family and friends who went ahead, and just recently the passing of my very good friend from college.
Last week, I was fixing my drawer when I saw an old gift:
I could not stop crying from unexpectedly seeing the perfume Mona gave and everything from that last time with her flashed like movie vignettes on my head. For a moment of that intense emotion, my friend was so alive and I could hear her laugh.
I miss her; we lost her from a brave fight against cancer.
We all miss those who went ahead; perhaps “missing” is an understatement.
But we just got to move forward with them as a strong part of who we are.
Accept. Let this sadness reminds us of how much we love them.
Pray. This is the best thing we can offer now.
Remember. And that whatever happens, their memories are still alive in us.